For many people divorces are messy. Even if the initial seperation is mutual, somehow the process can get messy, personal and hurtful. Even when the legal process is finished, the impact on mental health may be a long way from being resolved; with someone people experiencing, stress, anxiety, depression or a reduced sense of self-esteem and confidence.
I have worked with many men and women who were thinking of divorce or had been divorced; many felt lost and directionless. Leaving a marriage is like trying to disentagle the roots of two trees that have grown up together; even if the two trees have grown apart, their earlier closeness leaves a root system that is deeply entwined and difficult to pull apart; and that is without mentioning the confusion of dealing with the children.
Some people feel their life is over; they begin to grieve for the relationship that was, or the life that they had lost because of their marriage. They want to understand the mistakes they made, and how to move on with their lives. For others the transition is more difficult. Abusive partners tend to turn their partners into dependent children; stripping them of their confidence, self-esteem, and independence. Learning how to become an autonomous human being, to become oursleves, not having to fearfully adapt to the demands of another can be difficult; this is where counselling can help.